


Delusions

by Warp5Complex_Archivist



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-02-28
Updated: 2006-02-28
Packaged: 2018-08-15 21:13:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8072905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Warp5Complex_Archivist/pseuds/Warp5Complex_Archivist
Summary: That would be telling...





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Kylie Lee, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Warp 5 Complex](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Warp_5_Complex), the software of which ceased to be maintained and created a security hazard. To make future maintenance and archive growth easier, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but I may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Warp 5 Complex collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/Warp5Complex).

"Is Jon gonna be ok?"

Phlox looked up to see Trip hovering just inside Sickbay. Sighing, he looked back down at the supine form of the Captain. "He should be fine. A concussion and a few broken ribs are the extent of his injuries."

Trip grinned, coming closer to the bio bed. "That's good news. When do y' think he'll come 'round?"

"Now, I should say," came the dry rejoinder as both men watched Archer's eyes flutter open.

A strong hand reached out to grasp Trip's arm. "Enterprise. How is she?"

"Some scorch marks, but she's fine. We out gunned the marauders, it was a lucky shot that knocked y' on your ass, Cap'n."

"Any other injuries?"

"None to speak of," Phlox interjected. "A few bruises, first degree burns, nothing we haven't seen before or won't see again."

"...Hoshi? Is she ok?"

Trip frowned. A thread of unusual concern laced through Archer's voice. "Hoshi's fine. She got a bump same time you got yours, nothin' serious though."

Archer seemed to breath a sigh of relief. "I know what you're going to say Trip. But she's the best Starfleet has, we need her out here. I think we've handled the fact that she's my wife extremely well so far."

A bewildered Trip looked from the Captain to Phlox. _Wife? How hard_ did _he hit his head?_

* * *

"What th' hell is goin' on, Doc?" Trip stared at the imaging chamber like he could see Archer through the grill as Phlox frowned at the data on the screen. "Why does he think Hoshi's his wife?"

Shrugging, Phlox continued to interpret the results from the scan. "I believe it's from the slight damage his brain took from the concussion."

"He's brain damaged?"

Finally turning to look at Trip, Phlox gave the engineer what would be an exasperated look from a human. "Only slightly, and nothing that I cannot repair. I am concerned though about the reading from when he thought Ensign Sato was injured."

Trip waited for Phlox to finish. "And?"

"I'm afraid until I figure out what is happening in that particular region of his brain, we will have to 'play along' with the Captain's belief that the Ensign is his wife."

Blinking, Trip only stared at the doctor. "Yer kiddin'."

Phlox looked affronted. "Certainly not. I'm sure it will only be for a few days. I suggest we inform the Sub commander, and then the Ensign. It will take her cooperation, of course."

"Of course," Trip agreed weakly.

* * *

"Fascinating. I am interested in knowing why the Captain focused on Ensign Sato as part of his delusion." T'Pol's serene gaze lingered on the form lying on the bio bed behind the privacy curtain.

"Instead of you?" Flushing under the weight of a raised eyebrow, Trip mumbled an apology.

"The Ensign may merely have been the last person the Captain saw before he was knocked unconscious," Phlox replied. "Or he may have some unresolved feelings for her. We might never know."

"Who's gonna tell Hosh?" Trip looked at the other two officers. "I ain't doin' it."

A miniscule sigh escaped T'Pol.

* * *

"He what?" Hoshi stared at T'Pol, not quite believing what the Vulcan was telling her. "And you want me to do what?"

"Look, Hosh, it won't be for that long. Phlox'll repair the Cap'n's brain, and eveythin' will go back t' normal." Trip tried to sound more confident than he felt.

"If I don't?"

"I wouldn't recommend it, Ensign." Phlox came to stand by her. "As the Commander said, it will only be for a short while."

"But, his wife? Can't I be his girlfriend or something?"

"No." T'Pol was her usual blunt self. "The Captain referred to you as his wife. It is obviously a marriage of some time, as Starfleet never would have allowed you to marry him once you became an Ensign. I have reviewed the Doctor's findings and agree with him that to apprise the Captain of the true state between you would be detrimental to his health."

"Well, it seems that's that, then." Shoulders drooping, Hoshi gaze slid across the room where Archer laid.

"Excellent." Phlox sounded almost excited at this new development between the humans. 'I'll wake him up now."

"Now?" The doctor stopped at the panic in Hoshi's voice. T'Pol raised an eyebrow. Hoshi made a small helpless gesture. "Now."

The four of them trooped over to stand by the bio bed. Phlox injected a stimulant into Archer, and a few moments later the Captain's eyes fluttered open. They looked over everyone, finally stopping at Hoshi.

He smiled in relief to see her, looking years younger. "Sweetheart. Are you ok?"

Hoshi swallowed, nodding. "I'm fine, C...Jon. Just relieved you're alright." She tentatively reached out, smoothing back his hair.

Archer captured her hand, bringing it down for a kiss. "I'm fine now." The warmth of his mouth burned through Hoshi's skin.

* * *

"I believe we should leave them alone." T'Pol held back the privacy curtain, giving pointed looks to Phlox and Trip.

"Yeah, I'm sure they'd like some time t'gether..." Looking everywhere but Hoshi, not willing to meet the panicked look in her eyes, Trip sidled outside the alcove. Phlox merely gave the two 'lovebirds' a wide smile.

Once on the other side of Sickbay, Trip broke out into a hurried whisper. "Wha'd you do that for? I don't know if Hoshi ready t' be alone with the Cap'n."

T'Pol ignored the outburst. "You will need to contact Lieutenant Reed and apprise him of the situation. Gather up Ensign Sato's belongings and transfer them to the Captain's quarters." Giving him an almost thoughtful gaze, she continued. "Get one of the Ensign's close friends to help you arrange things so that it appears that Ensign Sato has lived with the Captain for some time. The rest of the crew will also need to be notified of what has happened so that this charade will work and the Captain does not suffer further mental degeneration. I will inform Starfleet myself."

Trip blinked at the rapid-fire commands. "Uh, right. I'll go find Malcolm." With a nod at Phlox, he went out the door.

"How long do you estimate it will take for you to repair the damage to the Captain's mind?"

Phlox stuck out his lower lip, looking up at the ceiling as if for inspiration. "Oh, not too long, I'd say. Two weeks perhaps, eighteen days at the most."

"Very well. Please be alert to any other aberrations in the Captain's behavior. It would be best if this was the only abnormality to result from his injury."

"Certainly. Although the scans have shown no other sections of damage."

T'Pol nodded. "You will keep me apprised of his progress."

"Of course."

* * *

"Are you alright, sweetheart? You look a little tired." Jon slowly sat up on the edge of the bed.

"Just...worried about you." Giving his hand a brief squeeze, Hoshi shot a glance at the three vague forms on the other side of Sickbay.

"How long was I out for? I'm starving."

"About four hours. You missed dinner."

Jon chuckled, pulling Hoshi between his knees. "Is that a note of pique I hear in your voice? I promised you a candle lit dinner tonight and you're getting one, marauders or no marauders."

Hoshi thought frantically, trying to ignore the heat radiating off Jon and the kisses he was trailing down her neck. "Chef's cleaned up already. You know how he is. If you miss dinner, too bad."

"I believe I'm still the Captain of this ship," came the muffled reply as Jon worked his way up the other side.

"I'm sure Phlox would rather you go straight to bed. Right, Phlox?" Hoshi turned gratefully to the doctor as he came through the curtain.

"Hmm? What was that?"

"I think, ah, Jon should get some rest. Our candle lit dinner can wait."

"Yes, that probably is a good idea. I need to speak with the Captain about his upcoming treatments, I believe Commander Tucker wanted to discuss some things with you right away, Ensign."

Hoshi caught the meaning in Phlox's words. "Of course. I'll see you later." Her smile faltered at the intimate look Jon gave her. Once free of the curtain, she nearly ran from Sickbay.

* * *

"The Captain really thinks he and Ensign Sato are married?" Malcolm's voice expressed disbelief as he, Trip, and Liz Cutler arranged Hoshi's belongings around Archer's cabin.

"For the third time, YES." Trip held a picture of Hoshi's family and looked around the room in a confused manner.

"Oh for God's sake, give me that. Sir." Taking everything out of the two officer's hands, Liz pushed them over to the couch. "It may be a clichÃ©, but this is woman's work. How did it happen?"

Trip explained as best he could as Liz, without much rhyme or reason, at least to a man's eye, combined Archer and Hoshi's personal effects. Porthos just watched, tail thumping.

"Poor Hoshi." Liz shook her head as she checked over the room. "The Captain's cute and all, but he's the Captain!" She blushed, realizing what she'd said. "Sirs."

Trip just laughed and waved her off. "Hopefully it won't take too long, and this all will be over soon."

Liz blushed again as something occurred to her. "I wonder if she'll have to..." She was cut off as the door chime rang and Hoshi stepped into the cabin.

"Phlox said you wanted to see me, Commander?" Hoshi's jaw dropped as she noticed her pictures on the shelves and her robe in the bathroom. The blood drained from her face as she saw her quilt covering the bed, and the reality of being 'married' to the Captain hit her. "Oh no. No one said anything about this!!"

* * *

"So Captain, how are we feeing?" Phlox closed the curtain after Hoshi and came to stand in front of Archer. Smiling at the medical 'we', Archer shrugged.

"I feel fine. Other than hungry."

"No headaches, blurry vision...?"

"No. Why?"

"Part of your brain took damage form the concussion and the electrical shock you got at the same time, nothing that we can't repair, but I want to know right away if you feel any different than fine. Nothing is too trivial." Phlox stared at Archer until the captain nodded. "I'll want to see you three times a week for your treatments, after your duty shift will be fine."

Archer absent-mindedly rubbed the bump on his head. "You mentioned brain damage. Am I still fit for duty?"

"Certainly. It was nothing major; you've lost no higher, or lower, functions. Right now I suggest you get some rest. I'll have the galley send some thing to your cabin if you'd like."

"Thanks, Phlox, that'd be great." Hopping down from the bed, Archer went to go find his wife.

* * *

"What are all my things doing here?" Hoshi's voice had reached a near fevered pitch.

"You an' the Cap'n are married, Hosh, of course your stuff would be here." Trip was getting concerned that Hoshi was going to get hysterical.

"We're _not_ married!"

"The Captain thinks you're married, and unfortunately, that's the same thing right now." Malcolm awkwardly patted Hoshi on the arm, retreating at her glare.

"Phlox to Commander Tucker." The comm unit cut off Hoshi before she could speak.

"Trip here. Wha'da ya need?"

"The Captain is on his way to his cabin, if you and Lieutenant Reed are still there I suggest you leave. It might look suspicious."

"Right. Thanks Doc." Trip looked over at Hoshi and shrugged. "Sorry, Hosh, gotta go." He keyed open the door, Malcolm exiting first as Liz gave Hoshi a quick hug and a whispered 'Good Luck'. As he left, Trip wished Hoshi didn't look so much like a deer caught in a set of headlights.

* * *

_Oh God, oh God, oh God..._ Hoshi paced the cabin, running her hands through her hair. _What am I going to do?_ She refused to look at the bed, finally sitting on the floor to scratch Porthos behind the ears. "What have I gotten myself into?" Porthos, not having any answers, just licked her face.

"Thought I'd find you here." The sound of Jon's voice made Hoshi jump. He reached down and pulled her up into his arms. "Miss me?"

"Of...of course." Managing a smile, Hoshi put her hands lightly on Jon's chest. She stood still as he pulled the pins from her hair, threading his fingers through the silky mass.

"I'm glad you decided to grow it long. I love it like this."

Hoshi could only watch, mesmerized, like by a snake, as Jon brought his mouth to hers, teasing it open with his tongue. Her eyes closed as he deepened the kiss, his tongue dipping into her mouth to taunt her own, running along the edge of her teeth. Hoshi's knees weakened as the feel of Jon against her caused her head to swim. Hands that had planned on pushing Jon away now clutched at him, trying to keep her body standing. His hands slid down her waist to cup her bottom, yanking her against him. For some reason, the feel of his erection pressing against her didn't freak Hoshi out as much as she thought it would have.

Without warning Jon broke off the kiss. "Damn. Food's here." He left her in the middle of the cabin, dazed, wondering what had just happened. In a fog, she watched as he set up their dinner on a small side table.

"Hungry?" Flashing that boyish grin, Jon patted the seat next to him.

"Wha? Oh, yes." Hoshi some how got her legs to work and sat down. She idly picked at her food as Jon ate like a man starved. She hid a yawn behind a hand as he finished.

"I'm beat too. I'm going to grab a shower before turning in. You?"

"I...in the morning." She rushed into the bathroom as Jon cleared the table, leaning against the sink as the door slid closed behind her. _I can't do this, I can't do this..._ Looking up at the mirror, Hoshi stared herself in the eyes. _You have to do this..._ Swiftly stripping, she pulled on her robe, belting it tightly around her waist. Grabbing her toothbrush, she closed her eyes, thinking about a small boat on a calm ocean.

"I hope there's hot water left."

Hoshi's eyes flew open in time to see a naked Jon step into the shower. A very naked, very tight, very buff looking Jon. Tearing her eyes away was one of the hardest things Hoshi had ever had to do. Ignoring the dull throb low in her belly, she rapidly finished her ablutions and went back into the cabin. Digging through the drawers, she found the flannel nightgown she had brought when she had heard starships could get cold. Hoshi turned out all the lights and climbed into Jon's bed, wrapping herself up in the blankets.

The bathroom door slid open and Hoshi buried herself deeper, wondering if she could get away with pretending to be asleep already.

"Ouch!" Jon fell against the bed and she tensed. "Stubbed my toe."

"Are you ok?" came a muffled reply.

"I'll live." Hoshi felt Jon climb under the blankets and pull her close, spooning against him.

_He isn't still naked, is he?_ The heat from his body burned through the now thin flannel. _Oh God, he is..._

"Night, love." A kiss landed somewhere in the vicinity of her cheek. The weight of an arm and leg pinned her down.

"Good night...love."

* * *

Hoshi sighed, languidly stretching. She didn't want to wake up from this dream. It was a good one. She was on Risa, on a beach with Ravis. Only it wasn't Ravis. But, as in most dreams, it really didn't matter that it wasn't Ravis.

Lying back on the sand, her lover was stroking her, fingertips lightly trailing over her body, kisses following. Hoshi noticed that somehow her bikini had come off. But again, like in most dreams, it really didn't matter. She didn't want to think about such mundane things as where her bikini had gotten too. It would disturb her dream. And this was a good one. Very realistic...

Hoshi's eyes blinked open to find it wasn't a dream. The dull throb deep in her belly was back. In a daze she watched as Jon unbuttoned her nightgown further, and bent his head to her breast, taking the nipple into his mouth. He teased the tip, suckling on it, pulling it through his teeth until it was a hard nub. Vaguely she registered his hand between her legs, skimming up her thigh to her center, his thumb rubbing against her clitoris through her underwear.

A low moan escaped her as Jon took her nipple into his mouth again, drawing almost painfully on it. At the sound he looked up and smiled at her. "Morning, sweetheart." He kissed her deep, his hand slipping under the leg of her underwear, fingers finding her clit, stroking at her entrance.

The threat of Jon actually penetrating her finally cut through Hoshi's desire-muddled brain, and she jumped off the bed.

* * *

Hoshi's mad scramble from the bed was neither graceful nor swift. Tangled up in sheets and blankets, she stumbled from the bed, barely catching herself before she fell to the floor.

"Sweetheart? Are you ok?"

At the sound of Jon's voice, Hoshi took a couple deep breaths to calm herself. Not willing to look him in the face, her eyes automatically dropped, catching sight of his bobbing erection. She stared for a moment, gaping like a fish, before managing to look away.

"Fine. I'm fine," she replied, straightening, not realizing her nightgown was still wide open. "Bad dream."

"Are you alright now?" He came to stand beside her, all six feet four inches of tight muscle and broad shoulders and slim hips...Hoshi turned her back on him to stare out the window, trying to ignore the throbbing in her belly.

"Hoshi?" Wrapping his arms around her, Jon cupped a breast in each hand, fingers idly teasing the nipples. Hoshi sucked in a breath as he pushed his erection against her bottom, her head falling against his shoulder. Movement in the window caught her eye, refocusing she saw their reflection as Jon kissed his way across her shoulder, one hand skimming down over her stomach...

_Oh God, oh God, oh God..._

Just before Jon reached the curls between her legs Hoshi jerked upright. "Phlox!"

"Phlox?" Jon echoed in confusion as Hoshi buttoned up her nightgown with trembling hands.

"He said you couldn't exert yourself. No...extracurricular activities." Hoshi blushed as she made up the lie.

"None?" The plaintive sound in Jon's voice was rather sad.

"None." Hoshi's voice was emphatic.

"Not even oral sex?"

"I...ah..." Hoshi turned beet red. Instantly the metal image of Jon coming in her mouth as he called her name appeared; she could imagine the soft velvet feel of his cock, the salty taste of his semen...Hoshi stumbled over an answer, losing the upper hand.

"I'll talk to Phlox." Jon gathered a bewildered Hoshi into his arms. "It seems like forever since we've made love. I miss you." He gave her another spine melting kiss, breaking it off to grin at her.

"Duty calls however, so maybe later. Did you still want that shower?"

"Shower? Yes, I do." Walking into the bathroom, Hoshi was rather proud of the way her knees held up. _Cold shower. Very very cold shower._

She stood under the icy spray until her skin turned blue, trying to make sense of her reaction to Jon. _What is happening to me?_

* * *

"So Cap'n, how you doin'?" Trip watched in amazement as Archer finished his second helping at breakfast. The Captain hadn't been eating well recently, but you wouldn't have known it to look at him now.

"Never better. We're supposed to meet with the Bosrians later this week, right?"

"Uh, yeah. Everything seems to be under control, they sent over their protocols, and we did the same." Trip looked at T'Pol before continuing. "Ah, how's Hoshi doin'?"

"Fine. Why?"

"Er, she was just worried about ya, wanted to be sure she was ok too." Concerned about what had happened last night, and frankly curious as hell, Trip couldn't figure out a way to ask, even though Archer was his best friend.

"She's fine, I'm fine, everything is fine." Finishing his juice, Archer stood up. "I have to see Phlox, I'll be in my ready room the rest of the day." Nodding to the two officers, he walked out, humming a tuneless song.

Trip watched him go, then turned to T'Pol. "If'n I didn't know better, I'd say that man got the best lay in his life. But Hoshi would never..."

"I concur. We will have to keep watch over the Captain. I do not want the Ensign to be forced into a compromising position." Without another word T'Pol got up and left also.

Shrugging, Trip followed.

* * *

Jon had talked to Phlox and while he couldn't convince the doctor to ok oral sex much less actual intercourse, he did get the go ahead for what was referred to as 'heavy petting', a term Phlox learned from Crewman Cutler.

Phlox had called Hoshi in after Jon had left, apologizing that he couldn't restrict their intimacies further. "I had a hard time coming up with a reason why oral sex was out of the picture. I'm sorry, Ensign, you'll have to be creative in only going as far as you want to."

Hoshi had mumbled a thanks of sorts, and fled Sickbay, mortified beyond belief.

A week had past, and Hoshi felt she was living two lives. A professional one, where Jon was every bit the Captain, treating her the same way he had treated her before, perhaps with even more detachment. But after their shifts, when they were no longer on duty, Jon became the perfect husband; affectionate, open, attentive. Hoshi found herself both dreading and craving the end of the day when she stopped being an Ensign and became a 'wife'. The one silver lining to this cloud was that Jon's treatments were proceeding at a rapid pace, and he would be back to normal sooner than later.

Jon was a balm to her soul, and she was in serious danger of falling in love with him. She had to do something.

* * *

"You're not wearing that flannel suit of armor again, are you? You used to sleep naked." Jon came over as Hoshi pulled her nightgown out.

"I'm cold at night." Hoshi held on to the garment as Jon tried to tug it out of her hands.

"I'll turn the heat up." Letting go, he rummaged in the drawer. "Wear this instead." Jon held up a jade green teddy.

Hoshi nearly snatched it from his hands. "I don't think it fits anymore..."

"Try it on and see." He waited, expectant.

"I...I'm tired, Jon. Please..." Hoshi was almost panicking.

"Sorry, sweetheart." Jon gave her a hug and dropped a light kiss on her lips.

After they had gone to bed, Hoshi lay stiff and awake; Jon spooned against her, his hands possessive on her body. As soon as he was asleep, she moved to the other side of the bed, out from the addictive warmth of his arms.

* * *

"No offense, Cap'n, but you don't look too good." Trip threw a concerned glance across the table at Archer. It was just the two of them for breakfast this morning, and Trip was determined to find out what was wrong.

Archer made a non-committal grunt.

"The exchange with the Bosrians went well..."

"Uh huh..."

"Jon..."

Archer looked up. Trip only called him Jon outside of Starfleet.

"What's goin' on?"

"It's Hoshi." He rubbed a hand over his face.

"Hoshi? What happened?" Out of all the things Trip had expected, a problem with Hoshi was not one of them.

Archer didn't say anything for a while. "I don't think she loves me anymore. Ever since I got hit on the head she's been different, withdrawn. We haven't had sex, or done anything close, in over a week. Every time I get near her, or try to kiss her, she stiffens and pulls away."

Hearing the anguish in his friend's voice, Trip didn't know what to say. He could understand Hoshi not wanting to be intimate with Archer under these particular circumstances, but he couldn't tell him the real reason she was so distant.

"You want me t' talk t' her?"

Archer sighed. "Yes. No. I don't know. I want to find out what's going on, but...I don't know if she'd talk to you. Or anyone. It's not something that's easily brought up."

"I'll see what I can do, Cap'n." Trip gave Archer what he hoped was a reassuring smile.

Archer tried to smile back, but it was more a look from a man going down for the third time.

* * *

That evening the need to talk to Hoshi became more urgent. Phlox had called Trip and T'Pol into Sickbay with bad news.

"The Captain is not responding to the treatment as well as he should be."

"He's gettin' worse?"

"No not worse." Phlox handed T'Pol a PADD with Archer's treatment results on them. "Not yet. Something has happened to slow down the regeneration of his brain cells."

Trip shook his head. "Hoshi."

"Ensign Sato?" T'Pol looked up from the PADD. "I understood that she was amiable to masquerading as the Captain's wife."

"Yeah, well be that as it may, she's not 'amiable' to having sex, or anythin' like it, with him."

"Ah." Phlox frowned. "How does the Captain feel about this?"

"He thinks she doesn't love him anymore."

"That could certainly contribute to his lack of progress....You'll have to talk with the Ensign and impress upon her the necessity of having some kind of sexual relation with the Captain." Phlox nodded, the answer obvious.

"It ain't gonna be that easy, Doc. Humans just don't have sex at the drop of a hat like that."

"Of course you do! Humans are notorious for one-night stands. The rate of copulation between Humans that have no previous history together is quite astounding, even for Denobulans. I remember one study that..."

"Yeah, ok." Trip cut the doctor off before he heard something he really didn't want to. "But Hoshi and the Captain...I'll talk t' her. Maybe somethin' can be arranged..." He didn't look too confident though.

* * *

Trip finally ran Hoshi to ground nearly two days later, pulling her into a little used office. He was amazed at the circles under her eyes, the tension in her slight frame.

"We need t' talk." Sitting her down on a small couch, Trip paced in front of her. "The Cap'n's not doin' too well."

"Jon?" Without realizing it, Hoshi used his first name. It was how she thought of him now. "What's wrong?"

"The treatments aren't working as well as they ought. Phlox thinks it's because the Cap'n believes you don't love him anymore."

"...I never loved him." Hoshi hunched in on herself, staring at her feet.

"I know that, an' you know that, but the Cap'n doesn't know that. You've been...withholding yer favors..." Trip broke off as it looked like Hoshi was going to rip into him. "Not that I blame ya! But...can't you at least be a little nice to him? Hug him a little? Kiss him once or twice?"

"I can't," she whispered, turning away from Trip as he sat next to her.

"Why? I always thought the Cap'n was pretty good lookin', for a guy, I mean. I don't think he'd hold it against you when he got his memory back, havin' t' kiss him and all. All in the line of duty." Trip attempted to sound reassuring.

_I wouldn't be able to stop..._

"I'll...think about it..."

"Thanks Hosh." Trip patted her shoulder, then wisely left her alone.

* * *

Walking back to 'her' cabin after Alpha shift, Hoshi knew a few kisses weren't going to make everything better with Jon. Noticing the change in him, she didn't want to admit that it was her actions that were driving Jon inside himself. She had tried so hard not to fall in love with him. 

Hoshi knew what had to be done, and she could live with herself after this was all over, having done it. Finally admitting that she loved Jon, she would do anything to save him. She just hoped _he_ would be able to live with she did.

* * *

Sitting on the couch, Hoshi looked at the chronometer again. Jon hadn't come back from his treatment yet. Just when she had gotten up her courage, he threw a spanner in the works by being late.

To nervous to sit, she paced the candle lit room. Begging the tapers from T'Pol had been easy, telling her why she needed them had not been. T'Pol had merely raised that Vulcan eyebrow of hers, and handed over the candles without a word.

The sound of the door sliding open caught Hoshi by surprise although she had been waiting for it. Jon stopped just inside the room, his eyes moving from her to the candles to the turned down bed.

"Hoshi?" Expressionless, he looked at her.

"Jon." Hoshi crossed the distance between them, placing a hand over his heart. She could feel it beating wildly, matching her own, even as their outer facades were neutral.

Jon brought his hand up, sliding it under the thin strap of the green teddy. "It fits."

Looking into his eyes, she smiled slightly. "I was wrong."

"Phlox?"

"Some restrictions were lifted."

For a moment Hoshi thought she had made a terrible mistake, as Jon's face remained closed. A cold hand gripped at her, and she started to back away. His hand cupping her cheek stopped her, and as he bent his head to hers she met him halfway.

The kiss was sweet but urgent, making sure that this was what she wanted. Hoshi wrapped her arms around Jon's neck, pulling him closer. Teeth nipped lightly at lips, tongues licked the hurt away. Hoshi held on to Jon tighter as he kissed his way down her throat then back up, his tongue tickling the sensitive spot behind her ear.

Her hand covered his own as he pushed the strap of the teddy off her shoulder. "You first."

Jon stood there as she undressed him slowly, easing his clothes off him until he was again naked before her. This time Hoshi didn't look away; taking her time she let her hands roam over him, tracing every contour, running fingers over his chest. Trailing down his flat stomach, her hand hovered over his erection, the tip glistening. She looked up at him, almost asking for permission.

"Not yet." His voice was rough; without waiting he pulled the teddy down over her shoulders, nearly yanking the material off her hips.

Hoshi waited, nervously, for him to say something. But he didn't speak, just picked her up and carried her over to the bed. Lying down beside her, one hand propping his head up, Jon let the other hand wander in random patterns over Hoshi's body. Caressing a cheek, skimming the hard tip of a breast, swirling around her belly button before gliding over the dark patch of curls and running along her leg, then backup of the return journey.

"I'm always amazed at how beautiful you are." Jon looked at her then, and Hosh desperately wanted to believe him. "I've must of seen you nude over a thousand times, but each time the rush is there. Do you remember our vows? I promised to worship you with my body; I take my promises seriously."

Kissing her briefly, he lowered his head, taking a nipple into his mouth, sucking on the tip. Hoshi felt it harden in the warmth of his mouth as Jon's fingers teased the other nipple into a corresponding peak. Increasing waves of pleasure emanated from her breasts, pooling in her belly and making her clitoris throb. Jon's hand followed, his fingers finding the swollen nub. As soon as he touched it Hoshi exploded, riding the surge of her orgasm, nails digging into Jon's shoulders.

Vaguely she registered Jon pushing her knees apart, but it wasn't until his kisses had reached the inside of her thigh that she realized what he was about to do, how close he had come.

"No!" Getting on her knees, Hoshi pulled Jon back up the bed. She couldn't let him go down on her, not when he really didn't want to, when he really didn't love her.

She however...

"I want to." Pushing him back so he sat against the wall, Hoshi knelt between his legs. Leaning forward she kissed him deep, then left his mouth to work her way down his body. Hoshi paid attention to every inch of him, burning the memory into her brain.

Reaching his cock she feathered the tips of her fingers across it. The skin was as soft as she had imagined. With her index finger she spread the drops of pre-come over the tip, watching as the head turned a deeper shade of purple. Hoshi wasn't sure, but she thought it swelled even more.

"Hoshi, sweetheart, for God's sake..." Jon could barely speak. His hands were clenched around the sheet; his face had an expression of pure torture on it.

Taking pity on him, Hoshi slowly took his length in even as his hips bucked, trying to get his cock deeper. She held it there for a while as Jon took deep, gulping breaths, doing his best not to come then and there. Right before she judged he was under control, Hoshi began to move, running her tongue along the bottom, creating suction with her mouth. She would bob up and down, ignoring the head, then attack the spongy tip with a vengeance that would have Jon begging her not to stop. But she would, going back to the slow, languid bobbing up and down the shaft, her tongue swirling over the velvet skin until he had regain some semblance of control before she would start all over.

Only when Hoshi had decided that Jon had had enough did a hand gently roll his testes, squeezing slightly, the other wrapping around his erection. She pumped him with firm strokes as she continued to tease the head, sometimes bobbing back down to take him all in.

Sensing the tightening in his balls, Hoshi sucked on the head, slipping her hands along Jon's thighs, waiting. He was so close she could feel it...

"Hoshi!!" Jon grabbed her head with both hands, shoving her down until he was buried to the hilt in her mouth as he came, the hot spray sliding down her throat. Hoshi closed her eyes, greedily milking him as he continued to cry out, her name echoing in the small cabin.

Only after Jon had turned out the lights and fallen asleep with his head between her breasts did Hoshi allow herself to consider what she'd done.

* * *

"I don't know what ya did, Hosh, but it musta worked." Trip's muffled voice came floating up from under her console. "Try it now."

Hoshi pressed a few buttons. "Nothing."

"I'm tellin' ya, he's back to his old self. Ow!" Sparks flew out; a mote landed on Trip's leg where it started to smolder. Hoshi idly patted it out, her mind on other things. "Somma bitch..."

"How much longer, Trip?" She hoped it would be soon, Hoshi really didn't want to think about last night.

"Try it now." The console lit up, data streaming by as Hoshi made sure everything was working.

"That's it." Moving out of the way, she watched Trip crawl out. "Thanks."

"No problem." Trip paused. "Thanks for last night. I mean..."

"No problem." Hoshi gave him a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

* * *

"Well, Captain, you've made amazing progress." Phlox looked over the latest scans as Archer hopped off the bio bed. "You've only one treatment more to go, and you'll be back to normal."

"Only one more?" For some reason this didn't cheer Archer up as much as he thought.

"Just a small section left and then an overall sweep to make sure everything is in working order. I'll have to sedate you for that one, I'll let the Sub commander know." A wide grin spread over the doctor's face. "I'm sure you'll be happy to get this over with."

"Yeah. Thanks, Phlox." A slight frown on his face, Archer walked out of sickbay.

* * *

"So Phlox said I only had one more treatment to go."

Hoshi raised her head to look at Jon over the small table in their cabin. She had been apprehensive when he wanted to eat there, and not in his wardroom, but Jon hadn't said more than five words before now. Relief and despair washed through her at his pronouncement.

"That's good."

Not responding, Jon picked at his food, then pushed it away. "I'm not hungry. Come to bed?" Gathering up the remains, he called for the steward. Hoshi just sat there, waiting. Not until Smithson had left with a 'Good night sir, ma'am' did Jon pull her to her feet.

Slowly, without a word, he stripped them both, leaving their clothes wherever they happened to fall. Jon led her to the bed and laid them down, drawing the sheets up. Pulling her to him, he cradled her in his arms.

Hoshi listened to his breathing slow as he fell asleep, feeling his heart beat under her cheek.

* * *

"I swear I don't know what's happenin' with him." Waiting the lift with T'Pol, Trip looked down the corridors as if he expected Archer to come around a corner at any second. "Yesterday he was on top of th' world. Today he's...well, morose is all I can think of t' call it."

"The Captain has gone through many emotional changes this past week." T'Pol came as close as she ever did to agreeing with Trip. "Dr. Phlox has indicated that today's treatment will be the last; I would expect the Captain would be pleased."

"Instead he looks like somebody ran over Porthos."

* * *

Hoshi walked toward Jon's cabin, this time wondering if she should start packing her things. If today's treatment was successful, then she wouldn't be needed anymore.

The door slid open, showing an obviously agitated Jon.

"Aren't you supposed to..." Hoshi broke off as he advanced toward her, bumping her up against a wall.

"Phlox can wait." He cupped her face with his hands, kissing her, roughly. Breaking off the kiss, he worked his way down her throat, biting and sucking at her. "I had to see you first."

Her shirt tore open easily in his hands; the rest of her clothes were removed just as fast. Trapping her body between him and the wall, Jon forced a knee in between her legs, thrusting up with his thigh.

"Jon..." He cut her off with another kiss.

"I need you Hoshi. Don't say no."

All thought of refusing him was gone as a hand took hold of her breast, fingers pulling and tugging at the nipple. All thoughts of what Jon really wanted, of what the consequences of making love to him would be were gone, replaced with the need to have him, just this once.

Two pairs of hands fumbled with a zipper, tangled together as they pulled apart his uniform, pushed down his boxers and freed his erection; mouths continuing to lick and suck and kiss any bit of skin they could reach.

Hoshi moaned against Jon's shoulder as his fingers opened her and made sure she was wet. "Please Jon." Reaching between them she grabbed hold of his cock. Jon lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist, guiding him in her.

She whimpered as he slid in; it had been so long, she wasn't positive he'd fit. It hurt, but overriding the pain was the oh so sweet feeling of him in her, buried as deep as he could get.

Then he started moving, and Hoshi could only concentrate on the slick friction he was creating, the rough feel of cloth on her skin, how with every thrust her was grinding against her clitoris.

"Christ Hoshi you feel so good..." One of Jon's hands was under her, supporting her against the wall, the other continued to knead a breast. "...wanted you ever since I first saw you...so damn good I could fuck you forever, myHoshimineALLminedon'tleavemeHoshiGODIloveyou

* * *

"

Jon kissed her ruthlessly, hips jerking as he spilled into her, pounding her into the wall; Hoshi sobbing his name as she came, wanting so badly to believe that this was the true Jon and not some delusion brought on by a concussion.

Hoshi's legs slid down to support her as Jon stepped back from the wall. Numbly she watched as he tucked himself away, zipping up his uniform.

"I have to go." He traced the curve of her cheek as she nodded, aware of his word's double meaning, even if he wasn't.

* * *

"Success, Captain!" Phlox hovered over Archer as he came out of sedation. "You're fully functional now." The doctor smiled at his clever remark.

"No more brain damage?" Sitting up, Archer sung his legs over the side of the bio bed.

"No more."

"Hoshi will be pleased. She was getting concer..." He trailed off as reality came crashing down on the fantasy he'd been living the past ten days.

_Hoshi..._

The image of how he had left her sprang into his mind: naked, leaning against the wall for support, with shell-shocked eyes and swollen lips.

_Oh God, what have I done?_

* * *

"Phlox to Ensign Sato."

Hoshi looked up from putting her last uniform into the duffle bag and answered the comm. "Sato here."

"I'm sure you'll be happy to know that the Captain's treatment was successful. He's completely recovered."

"Thank you Doctor." Tuning back to her packing with a sigh, Hoshi gathered up the rest of her meager personal things.

_That's that, then..._

Not able to resist, she grabbed an old Stanford shirt to remember her marriage by before leaving.

* * *

"Umm...Commander? Sir?"

Trip turned to see a petite redhead nervously shifting from one foot to another.

"Crewman...Mitchell, right?"

"Yes sir." She flushed under his grin. "Umm, I just thought you should know, that...umm...I went to do the usual scheduled maintenance on shuttle pod two...and umm...the Captain was in there. And he's...drunk, sir."

Trip ran a hand through his hair. Archer was going to be the death of him, he just knew it.

"Thanks, Mitch. Don't tell anyone, alright?"

Mitch could only nod as Trip took off down the corridor. Sighing dreamily, she went back to work.

* * *

"Cap'n?" Trip stuck his head in the shuttlepod, spying Archer slumped on a bench in the back.

"Shoulda known you'd show up."

"What are doin' in here?" He climbed in to sit across from Archer.

"I think it would be obvious to even you." Archer waved a bottle around before taking another pull on it.

"Yeah, I can see what yer doin', but I still don't know why. Didn't your treatment finish up today?"

"Yep. All better. I now know that I am, in fact, _not_ married to Ensign Sato."

"Well, that's just grand. So why...?" Tapering off, Trip indicated the bottle.

"You're an adult, Trip; you know the things that pass between married people."

"So you kissed her a few times, we explained t' Hosh that you were getting' worse and she might hafta do somethin' like that, but you wouldn't hold it against her."

The bottle thunked to the floor as Archer's face went white. A second later Trip had the air knocked out of him as Archer tackled him to the deck.

" _You_ told her she had to pretend to be my wife? _You_ convinced her she had to _kiss_ me a few times? You son of a bitch!" Grabbing Trip by the front of his uniform, Archer picked him up enough to land a right hook.

"I _raped_ her! I threw her against a wall, tore her clothes off and fucking _raped_ her! She tried to stop me but I wouldn't listen! I'm her Captain! She's supposed to be able to trust me.

"And I raped her." Archer sat back, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes. "Hoshi. My Hoshi."

"Cap'n..." Trip placed a hand on his shoulder, not knowing what to say.

Archer shrugged off his hand. "See how she is Trip. Make sure she's...make sure she's ok."

"Sure, Jon. Sure." Picking up the near empty bottle, Trip left the pod.

* * *

Trip raced down the corridors, trying to figure out where Hoshi could have gone.

_She wouldn't still be in Archer's cabin...Sickbay? Back t' her cabin?_

A quick stop at a comm unit to contact Phlox told Trip Hoshi wasn't in Sickbay, so Trip tried her cabin.

"Hosh!" He pounded on the door. "Let me in, please!"

"Commander?" Whatever Trip had been expecting, it wasn't the sight of a calm, clear-eyed Hoshi. She moved back into the cabin and he slowly followed.

"You all right?" Glancing around, he saw her things back to their old place.

"Well, considering..." Hoshi shrugged as she sat down on the bunk.

"Yeah." Trip sat next to her, taking her hand in his. "Do you want t' talk about it?"

"Not really..."

"Would Phlox be better? He's had training for this kinda thing, I think."

Hoshi finally noticed the intense look of concern on Trip's face. "Commander, what are you talking about?"

"Jon told me how...he left you this evening, right before his last treatment."

"Oh." Hoshi blushed. "I didn't think he'd tell anyone what happened."

"Not tell?" Trip was incredulous. "Hoshi, he raped you!"

"What?" It was Hoshi's turn to be shocked. "He didn't rape me!"

"He said he...he pushed you up against a wall, tore your clothes off and...You tried to stop him but he wouldn't."

Closing her eyes, Hoshi put her hand to her mouth. "Oh no." She turned to Trip, grabbing onto his hands. "Jon did not rape me. I've had enough training from Malcolm to have stopped him if I wanted to."

"Then...then you did want to?" The disbelieving look on Trip's face caused Hoshi to smile.

"You know I knew Jon before this mission, right?" At his nod, Hoshi continued. "I may have had the secondary linguistics chair at Harvard, but I was still only 25. A strange mix of youth and responsibility. Jon was..." Her smile grew secret as she thought back.

"I was bowled over. I never got to know him all that well, so I suppose it was just an infatuation. I certainly never saw anything that indicated he felt the same way. I was able to stay on top of it when I came aboard, but pretending to be his wife these past days...I fell in love with him." Hoshi lifted her head to look Trip in the eye, her expression belligerent. "And why not? He's a wonderful man; kind, thoughtful..."

"Whoa!" Trip held up his hands. "You don't have t' convince me, the guy's my best friend. I'm happy for you.

"But you gotta talk to him, Hosh. I don't know why he thinks he...you know, but I left him in shuttlepod two after tryin' t' down a bottle of bourbon..."

"And you just left him?!" Hoshi jumped up and ran out the door. Her voice floated back to Trip. "Of all the stupid, idiotic..."

"I...he..." Giving up, Trip took off after her.

* * *

"He's not here!" Standing in the hatch of the pod, Hoshi turned on Trip. "Where could he have gone? How could you leave him like that?"

"He asked me t' go make sure you were ok, Hoshi. He was worried about you."

"Where could he be?" Hoshi was near tears.

"Let's try his cabin first. Then we'll go from there."

* * *

_Hoshi...Hoshi..._ Standing in the shower with the water on cold, trying to get sober, Jon kept seeing Hoshi: naked, holding herself up against the wall with one hand. Violated. Desecrated. By him.

Almost against his will Hoshi changed, now she was in the green teddy, candlelight flickering off her warm skin. He stripped her and she laid him down on the bed, hovering over him, teasing him. As he begged her in his memory, his hand slid down his wet stomach to wrap around his hard length. As Hoshi took him into her mouth he started stroking, sickened that he couldn't leave her alone, even in his mind, even after what he had done to her. He felt her smooth skin under his hands, her hard nipple in his mouth, her voice as she moaned his name...

"Hoshi!" Jon came violently, calling for her as his come hit the glass walls to be washed away and recycled. "Hoshi..."

* * *

"I don't think he's in." Trip rang the door chime again.

"Let's check." Hoshi entered Jon's code and walked into the darkened cabin, stopping short at the sight of a naked Jon lying passed out, spread eagle on his bed. She didn't now whether to laugh or cry at the sight.

"For Christ's sake..." Trip walked over to the bed, nudging Jon on the shoulder. "Wake up! I found her!"

"Go 'way!" An arm flailed out, trying to get rid of whoever was annoying its owner.

Hoshi stopped Trip from pulling Jon out of bed. "I'll take care of him." She pushed Trip out the door.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Hoshi smoothed back Jon's hair. "What on Earth were you thinking?"

"Hoshi?" Still unconscious, he began to thrash about.

"Shhh, I'm here." Climbing into bed, she wrapped her arms around him, laying his head on her chest. "I'm here."

Jon pulled her in tighter. "Hoshi." He began to sob. "Oh God, Hoshi, I'm so sorry..."

"I know." Hoshi laid her cheek on his head, gently rocking him back and forth. "I know."

* * *

A pounding head was the first thing Jon was aware of as he floated up, toying with the idea of becoming conscious. Add to that a mouth full of cotton, a stomach that wasn't too happy, and muscles that ached all over.

Then there was something warm and soft wrapped around him. Too big to be Porthos. Not hairy enough. Smelled better too.

He stopped there. Thinking hurt. A groan escaped.

"Would you like something?" A cool hand on his face accompanied the low voice.

"Water," he managed to get out. "And aspirin." The soft warm something began to move. He made a protesting noise, reaching for it.

"I'll be right back."

He let it go, waiting for an eternity for it to return. Feeling something try to prop him up, Jon struggled to rise.

"Drink this."

One sip and he gagged on the bitter taste.

"Drink it all. You need it."

Obeying the low voice, he gulped it down, falling back with another groan. He was pulled close to the soft warm something, and he drifted off to sleep as the cool hand rubbed his back.

_Hoshi..._

His memory returned.

"Hoshi..." Jon struggled against the soft warm something. How could he lie here after what he did to her, when she was out there, alone, hurting..."...needs help..."

"Hoshi's fine," the low voice said. "Go back to sleep."

"No! She's not fine." He thrashed about, trying to get free of the sheets. "Not after what I did...I'm sorry Hoshi...I'm sorry..."

"Shh. Hoshi's fine. She forgives you." The cool hand stroked his head, drawing him back to the soft warm something.

"How?" Jon choked out. "How can she?" He sobbed into the comfort of the soft warm something, falling into a deeper sleep.

"She loves you."

* * *

Bells. Wedding bells pealed as they left the church; Hoshi was beside him, more radiant than any bride should be, and he was in awe over his incredible luck in convincing her to marry him. They tumbled into the car laughing, amidst good wishes, birdseed, and the deafening sound of bells. The door closed on them and she was in his lap, kissing him senseless.

"Mrs. Archer..."

She giggled, cutting him off with another kiss. His hand reached to caress a breast through the heavy brocade of her gown, his raging hard-on pressed up against her hip. If he didn't take her now it would be a very embarrassing walk into the reception...

Hoshi was saying something, but he couldn't hear her over the bells...

* * *

With a start Archer woke up, his door chime echoing in his head. He called 'Come' just to get it to stop instead of any wish to actually see who was there.

"Cap'n. Came t' see how you were feelin'."

Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, Archer put his head in his hands. "I'm hung over, Trip, how do you think I feel?"

"You sure tied one on last night. No wonder you feel like hell."

"Shut up Trip. That's an order." Hauling himself to his feet, Archer made his stumbling way to the bathroom, ignoring Trip trying to ignore the fact that his Captain was buck naked and had an erection bobbling in front of him. 

The sound of the shower starting up drowned out Archer's next words.

"Sorry, Cap'n, what was that?" Trip moved to stand outside the bathroom door.

"Did you find Hoshi last night?"

"Yep." Trip looked around the room, not finding any evidence that she had spent the night. He guessed Archer didn't know.

"How is she?"

"She's fine."

"Did she need to see Phlox?"

"Naw."

"I thought maybe...I might have hurt her physically."

"Nope." Trip sighed. "I think you better talk t' her yourself."

"I will." The water cut off and Archer came out, rubbing his hair dry. Trip was relieved to see a towel around his waist. "Do you know where she is?"

"She's got the next two days off. I don't know where she is right now."

"Find her for me, will you? Ask her to meet me in the observation lounge in an hour. I think you should stay with us, for her sake."

"Alright." Trip left Archer looking out the window, lost in his own thoughts.

* * *

An hour later Jon was still looking at the stars, contemplating his future, but now in the observation lounge. Starfleet would have to be told, of course; he supposed a Vulcan ship would take him back to Earth for the court martial. A prison term, and then what? Jon found that he didn't particularly care; it was Hoshi he was concerned about, Hoshi that he kept coming back to.

The door hissed open behind him, muffled footsteps approached.

"You asked to see me?"

He turned to see Hoshi, but no Trip. "Where's..."

"I asked him not to come."

"It would be better if he was here. Or would you like someone else? Malcolm?"

"No one, Jon."

The use of his first name set him back. She should be furious at him, but instead she just stood there, staring at him with those bottomless eyes, calmer than she had a right to be.

"Sit down, please." Off balance as it was, Jon gestured to one of the many sofas. Hoshi sat down as he paced back and forth.

"I'm going to see Malcolm to file a report about my conduct last night, but I wanted to see you first. I want to apologize, Hoshi, my behavior was inexcusable, I took advantage of your willingness to assist me in my recovery."

"Jon..."

He ignored her, continuing. "I forced myself upon you; that I thought we were married is no excuse. Just because..."

Hoshi rubbed her temples, tuning Jon out. If she didn't tell him he didn't rape her, he would go to Malcolm, file that report, and get shipped back to Earth in an instant. But if she did, he'd want to know why she didn't stop him. She couldn't let him go to jail just because she too embarrassed to say she loved him.

The next thing Jon knew he was flat on his back on the floor, uncomfortable pressure against his groin and throat, Hoshi's face inches away from his.

"You didn't rape me, Jon. If I had wanted to stop you, I would have."

He could only watch, stunned, she got up and dusted herself off. "There's no need to go to Malcolm, or find the other bottle of Bourbon. You did nothing wrong. And if you do go to Malcolm, I'll deny everything."

With a slight smile, she turned and walked out the doors, leaving Jon on the floor, his world once again turned upside down.

* * *

"Almost there..." Carefully approaching a scale model of the Phoenix, Trip jumped as his door chime went off, causing him to glue the nacelle on at the wrong angle. "Son of a...Come in!" He reached for the solvent, muttering to himself.

"Trip."

"Hey, Cap'n." Trip concentrated on the model in front of him.

Archer got to the point. "Did you know Hoshi doesn't think I raped her?"

"Yep." Trip gently worked the skewed nacelle off the side of the Phoenix. "She told me last night, after I went t' see her for you."

"Did she say why?" Archer sat down on the bunk.

"Yep." Trip placed the nacelle on correctly this time.

"Can you tell me?" Archer was getting frustrated.

"It's not my place t' say, Cap'n. I thought you talked to Hoshi."

"I did. She says I didn't rape her, and if I go to Malcolm she'll deny it ever happened."

"That all she said?"

"That's all."

"Seems t' me the subject's closed then."

Archer ran a distracted hand through his hair. "You don't let your Captain have his way with you, or give him a blow job so he wouldn't go down on you, just because."

Trip looked up at the mention of a blow job. "We certainly didn't expect her to go that far..."

"Do I repulse her so much that she didn't want me pleasuring her?" Archer seemed not have heard Trip. " Was she thinking of someone else while she was doing it?"

"I'm sure that wasn't the problem..."

"I don't understand. She put me off for days, then instead of just jacking me off she goes down on me. She proved that she could have stopped me last night, but she didn't. Why?"

"I...uh..." Trip shifted in his seat, embarrassed to be talking about Archer and Hoshi's sex life.

"She put everything into that blow job; I know it's been over a year, but God, the things she did...it wasn't a perfunctory 'let's get him off as soon as possible', she practically seduced me, the way she looked in that teddy, with the candlelight on her; the way she teased me with her tongue, the warmth of her mouth..."

"Jebus, Cap'n!" Trip's voice cut through Archer's musings. The look on the Engineers face was distinctly uncomfortable. "Ah really don't need t' be hearin' this! If ya wanna know why Hoshi did what she did, go ask her! Crimeny!"

"Sorry Trip." Archer grinned apologetically.

Trip watched him leave, then got up and laid on his bunk, easing out the hard on that had grown listening to Archer talk. He tried to conjure someone up in his mind, but when Hoshi said she loved the captain he'd shied away from using her like that anymore. And ever since Malcolm had drunkenly admired T'Pol's bum he had left the Vulcan Butt Goddess to the stiff Brit. A petite redhead with a shy smile sprang up in his mind, and as Trip stroked himself he imagined his hands wrapped in the auburn curls, guiding the head bobbing between his legs, doing to him everything Hoshi had done to Jon.

His orgasm was brief and sharp, and only relieved some of the tension in him. "Christ, I gotta get laid," Trip muttered, staring up at the ceiling.

* * *

"We need to talk." Jon had run Hoshi to ground in the gym, where she was working with the free weights.

"Why?" She heard the slight beep as he locked the door, but continued counting her reps.

"That's my line. Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why didn't you stop me last night? Why didn't you let me go down on you? Why didn't you just jack me off instead giving me a blow job?" He watched the color come and go in Hoshi's cheeks at his blunt speech.

She shrugged, putting down the weights. "Why not? I like giving head. It gets me off." Hoshi tried to remember all the slang terms she'd heard over the years. Maybe if he thought she did it just for the sex..."And it had been awhile since I'd screwed around with anyone. I had an itch. You scratched it."

Jon stared at her, not quite believing what he was hearing. "Why did it take you so long then? I kept asking, you kept refusing."

"I wasn't sure if you actually wanted to. I still have to work with you; if you really didn't want to fuck me it would be awkward. But last night you were so insistent...I thought what the hell? Why not. Get something out of this for all my troubles."

"I see." Jon's face was still, but his stomach roiled. She was so clinical about it, so detached. That's all he was to her then, just a convenient and willing cock to ride.

"Is that all, Captain?" Hoshi motioned to the door.

"Yes, that's all." He unlocked it, stepping back to let her walk though.

* * *

Hoshi made it to her cabin before the tears started. Falling to the floor, her body was wracked with sobs, the coldness in Jon's eyes seeping into her soul.

_It was better this way,_ she tried to convince herself as she got the tears under control, peeling off her clothes and pulling on his Stanford shirt. The scent of him enveloped her.

_If he knew I loved him, he'd try and be noble and do the right thing. He doesn't need me holding him back._

She crawled into her bunk, burying herself in her quilt that smelled like him too.

_Not when he's the captain of a starship. Not when he doesn't really love me._

Her tears giving way to hiccups, Hoshi drifted off to sleep.

* * *

_Cold hearted bitch..._ Jon stormed into his cabin, furious at Hoshi, mad at himself, and pissed he couldn't slam his door shut. He had walked the ship trying to get rid of his anger, but it had only left him with a violent headache.

Reaching for his glass, he realized it wasn't in its usual place on the sink. Finally he found it next to an unopened bottle of aspirin.

_When did I use the last one up?_

Vague memories came floating though his mind, hands holding him up as he drank from a glass. Jon slowly walked into the cabin.

Words of love interspersed with his as he pushed her against the wall, trying to tell her, trying to make her understand what he didn't know himself until then...cool hands...and a soft warm something...telling him it was alright...

_...because she loves me..._

* * *

He pressed her door chime again, knowing she was in there, not willing to leave until he had seen her again. Just when he was about to use his security override the door slid open.

Hoshi sucked in her breath as she saw who it was, eyes going wide with fear.

Jon saw the tear streaks on her face, the misery in her eyes, and her in his Stanford shirt. He had his answer.

* * *

Hoshi backed up as Jon advanced into her cabin, the smile on his face confusing her. He should be furious...

He snaked an arm around her waist, pulling her close. Her hands went automatically to his chest, fingers splayed over the worn cloth of his t-shirt. She shivered at the heat coming from him.

"Jon..."

He didn't let her finish; capturing her open mouth with his own he kissed her. Hoshi's knees buckled; this was no tender kiss, it was an assault on her defensives. He tasted so sweet, without thinking her arms came up to wrap around his neck and she kissed him back, poring everything she felt into it.

Breaking off, Jon looked in her eyes. "I know."

Dazed from the kiss, Hoshi could only stare at him. "What?"

"I know you love me."

The euphoria in Hoshi turned to dread. "No...no." She tried to escape Jon's arms, but he only held her tighter.

"You do. And I love you."

"No...no you don't." Hoshi bowed her head, shaking it as she pushed against Jon. Panic began to well in her. "It was your injury, you don't really..."

"I do!" Jon forced her head up. "Do you remember when we met? It was that faculty lecture at Harvard. You wore a blue sundress, and your hair was shorter. You looked impossibly young; I thought you were someone's daughter. Imagine my surprise when they introduced you as Chair of the Linguistics department."

"Secondary chair..." Hoshi whispered.

"I was struck dumb. I thought of every excuse under the sun to come back to the aerospace program there, just on the off chance of seeing you again, although I wouldn't admit it.

"I thanked God when you were chosen for Enterprise, but when you wouldn't leave early with us I about died. The Klingon language was a last ditch effort, if you wouldn't come with me I was fully prepared to throw you over my shoulder and haul you back physically. And I still couldn't admit why.

"I was a stubborn idiot Hoshi; I wasted so much time. You said you loved me last night, I know I heard it. Tell me you meant it, that it wasn't just something you said..."

Hoshi saw the insecurity in his eyes; she wanted to tell him, but she was so afraid...

"Jon, Starfleet..."

He could feel her resolve weakening. "They'll have to accept it. I've taken Enterprise out into space; I can live without her. I can't live without you anymore. It wasn't a delusion brought on by a bump on the head. It was the truth, a truth I had tried to ignore but couldn't.

"Tell me Hoshi." Jon rested his head against hers. "Tell me the truth..."

Great sobs were torn from Hoshi. He panicked until she managed to speak.

"I do love you, Jon."

Crushing her to him, he held Hoshi until she had stopped crying. Jon kissed her tears away until she caught his mouth briefly with hers.

"I'm scared..."

"I know. We'll deal with Starfleet when it comes up, and not until then. No borrowing trouble. Promise?"

Hoshi nodded, rubbing her cheek against his chest. Now that the nervous feeling was gone from Jon's stomach, he began to notice the various parts of Hoshi pressed against him.

"Sweetheart..."

"Hmm?" Hoshi snuggled closer, enjoying the warmth of him against her. She caught her breath as a hand slipped under her underwear and curled around her bottom. She froze as the other hand caressed the bottom curve of her breast.

Jon felt her stiffen and withdrew his hands. "Hoshi? Do you not want to?"

She stepped away from him, fingers twisting together. "I..."

"What's wrong? It's not like we haven't been together before..."

"That's just it." Hoshi shot him an embarrassed glance. "It wasn't really you."

"It was." Jon took a step forward, stopping as Hoshi took one back. "I really love you, it wasn't..."

"I know! But it was easy to think that it wasn't you. So even though we have...it's almost like we haven't. If you know what I mean." Hoshi looked almost sick with worry.

Jon smiled. "I understand." He stuck out his hand. "Ms. Sato, Jonathan Archer. I've long been an admirer of yours."

Hoshi smiled back. "Pleased to meet you, Mr. Archer." She took his hand in hers. "I've followed your career closely."

"Please, call me Jon." Pulling her close, Jon left just millimeters between them. He pressed a kiss just below her ear.

"Jon..." Hoshi sighed as the kisses moved down her throat.

"I noticed you're wearing a Stanford shirt. Are you a fan?"

"I hate the place." For some reason the kisses stopped. "I don't know why I wear the dammed thing."

A low chuckle came from Jon. "Shall I remove it for you, Ms. Sato?" His hands slid under the shirt to rest on her hips.

"How gentlemanly of you." Lifting her arms Hoshi let Jon pull off the shirt. "My friends call me Hoshi."

"And these, Hoshi?" He tugged at the waistband of her underwear.

"If you please."

Jon kissed his way down her stomach as the scrap of lace fell to the floor, biting at her hipbones, dipping his tongue in her bellybutton on the way up.

"And this?" His hand skimmed over her bra, coming to rest on the clasp nestled between her breasts.

At this point Hoshi could only nod. Jon unhooked the front, opening it like a flower opens its petals.

"Hoshi." He slipped the garment from her shoulders, coming back up to lift her breasts in his hands, thumbs feathering over the nipples. A whimper escaped her, and she looked up at him with desire drugged eyes.

"Jon..." She pulled his head down for a kiss, holding on to him for dear life, pushing his shirt up, needing to feel him against her. She moaned into his mouth as her flushed skin met his, her nipples tightening under the rough feel of the hair on his chest.

"Oh Lord." Jon almost tore his shirt off trying to get at Hoshi. His shorts and boxers quickly followed. "Hoshi, sweetheart..." Her touch was driving him insane. Picking her up he laid her on the bunk, hovering over her until he could think straight again.

Slowly he nuzzled a breast, licking the underside, coming up to circle the areola, letting his breath pucker the nipple.

"Joooooon..." He could hear the need in Hoshi's voice.

"Hush love. Last time was too fast." Continuing to kiss her breast, Jon stroked a hand down her stomach until he got to the moist heat between her legs. They parted on their own, hips lifting to bring the hand closer.

Hoshi was panting by the time his fingers touched the outside of her folds; a shudder went through her as he delved between them. Leaving her breast to his other hand, Jon knelt on the floor and kissed the inside of her thigh. Her legs parted more, and he could smell how aroused she was. Parting her folds, he let his tongue graze her entrance up to her clitoris.

"PleaseJonplease..."

His cock jumped as she begged for him, and no matter how much Jon wanted to make this last he knew he it wasn't going to happen. Latching on to the swollen nub he nipped and licked at it as he thrust two fingers into Hoshi, reaching for the bundle of nerves inside her.

Hoshi wailed as her world exploded; grabbing onto Jon's head she held on to him, riding out the waves of her orgasm. She shuddered against him, remnants of pleasure shooting through her as he continued to stroke her, easing her from her high.

Kissing her neck he rubbed his length against her slick folds, small quivers going through her at his touch. "Hoshi?" he asked, poised at her entrance.

She nodded silently and he plunged in her warm depths, forcinghimself to set a steady rhythm that he hoped would cause her to come again before he did. But he was so close...

"Faster." Hoshi slid her smooth legs up his, wrapping them around him, urging him on. Tilting her hips she gasped as he came in contact with her clitoris.

He obeyed, quickening his pace. "Hoshi love, I'm not going to last..."

"Then don't. Come for me, Jon." She kissed him deep as fingers pinched his nipple; the exquisite pain sent him over the edge and he thrust deeply and spilled into her, his cock jumping with each powerful surge.

"Oh God," Jon gasped, putting his head next to Hoshi's, trying not crush her. "I don't think I've ever come so hard."

Giggling, Hoshi maneuvered them so now Jon was on the bunk and she lay on top of him, his erection still buried in her. She wiggled her bottom a bit, and giggled some more as it twitched inside her.

Jon propped his head up, looking her in the eyes. He pushed a stray wisp of hair behind her ear. "I love you. Better get used to it."

Hoshi turned her head to kiss his palm. "I love you too."

* * *

Porthos lifted his head off Hoshi's leg and looked at the door, his tail thumping against the bed.

Hoshi tossed her PADD on the side table and scratched behind his ears. "Daddy coming home?"

Two seconds later the door slid open to let a weary Jon in. Hoshi smiled sympathetically.

"The talk with Starfleet didn't go well?"

Shrugging, Jon peeled off his uniform, stripping down to his skivvies. "As well as could be expected. They caved, like I knew they would." He had no intention of telling Hoshi that Forrest had called him a 'randy bastard who couldn't keep his pants zipped', or that Jon had called him 'an old prune who was so wrapped up in his work he forgot what it was like to be in love'. Thankfully both of them had seen the humor of the situation, and Forrest had wished him luck.

"I'm beat." Jon lay back on the bed, closing his eyes.

"Hmm. That's too bad." Hoshi looked at Porthos and whispered 'Down' to the dog. He jumped off the bed and settled on his pillow with a long-suffering sigh.

"How come?" came Jon's semi interested reply.

"No reason." Hoshi nibbled on Jon's penis through the cloth.

"Hoshi..."

"Wht?" He response was muffled, seeing how she had pulled his boxers down and taken his semi soft penis in her mouth.

"You know I don't have the energy to make love to you tonight..."

His growing erection slipped from between her lips with a 'pop'. "I know."

"You don't mind?" One of his hands reached to stoke her head; the other patted the bed beside him. Hoshi scooted around so he could reach a breast.

She shivered as he kneaded it, teasing the nipple. "Of course not. Sometimes you give, sometimes you take."

Jon watched from half closed eyes as his cock slid in and out of Hoshi's mouth, her hand stroking the length, her tongue licking the head.

"Ah, sweetheart," he groaned, his fingers fisting in her hair as she took him all in. She looked up as he emptied in her, swallowing around him. His heart constricted as he saw the love and trust in her eyes.

"Better?" she asked, burrowing into his side and under his arm.

"Infinitely."


End file.
